The cheapest luxury toilet paper brand is…

Would you spend more money for luxury toilet paper? Or is the very idea of ‘luxury toilet paper’ the epitome of flushing money down the drain to you?

I told you recently how toilet paper rolls are shrinking right before our eyes. It’s gotten to the point that it’s become an oxymoron; that ‘jumbo pack’ of toilet paper is much smaller than it used to be!

But here’s a truly Clarkrageous development: Sales of luxury toilet paper have grown by more than 70 percent since 2000 to $1.4 billion last year, according to The Washington Post.

Luxury toilet papers are booming

First, let’s take a step back. What exactly is ‘luxury toilet paper’? According to the industry, it’s defined as anything quilted, lotioned, perfumed or ultra-soft. It can be anywhere from 2 ply to 4 ply. Some examples would be Cottonelle’s new ‘CleanRipple’ design or 3-ply Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, among others.

Yet luxury toilet papers don’t have to cost a lot if you know how to get the good stuff cheap! Consumer Reports says the best toilet paper in America is a Wal-Mart exclusive — White Cloud 3-ply Ultra Soft and Thick. At 25 cents per 100 sheets, White Cloud got a high score of 88 based on softness, strength, disintegration, and tearing ease.

See a partial rundown of how your favorite brand scored on the Consumer Reports tally.

Should you spend more green to go green?

A couple of years ago, I remember seeing several newspaper articles about environmentalists being upset over the marketing push for ultra-soft toilet paper. The production of this bathroom tissue requires that old growth trees be cut down. Environmentalists, of course, prefer that we use toilet tissue made from recycled paper goods.

But the reality is that ultra-soft brands score well among consumers, according to Consumer Reports. Green toilet papers, on the other hand, score relatively low. The top green paper on the Consumer Reports tally — Scott Naturals — scored a mediocre 54.

In general, Americans prefer ultra-soft toilet paper to harder tissue made from recycled goods. And then there’s the question of cost. Green toilet tissue tends to be more expensive than your standard issue roll.

When manufacturers can make an affordable toilet paper that’s pleasant to use and also good for the environment, that’s when I’ll buy. But for now, my green goes for something that’s not green!